Boo-Hoo Tragically Lives On

More Boo-Hoo for those who can't get enough of the psychotic, porcine prick, this time from The Onion (h/t to Germantown Bureau Chief Brian).

No Asian Driver Jokes, Please

You've got to hand it to Cha Sa-soon (no relation to Vidal): she's one determined Korean! (This is NOT from the Onion!)

May the Dems be so lucky as to pass health care on their first try!

A Classic Parody of Boo Hoo

Check out the brilliant and feisty Jon Stewart's classic parody of the deranged Fux News personality Glenn "Boo Hoo" Beck, via Media Matters. Boo Hoo had an attack of appendicitis a couple of days ago, and that gives Jon the opening for this hilarious take off on the blubbering sociopath of right wing media.

Quote of the Day

"When your captain's crazy, it's time to find a new ship." -- a conservative Rethuglican congressman commenting on Rep. Michelle "I See Commies" Bachmann's chief of staff quitting after only 9 months on the job. Certainly, Crazy Michelle's nuttiness must have been a factor, as well as her unfamiliarity with the truth.

BTW, today Crazy Michelle is heading up a Fux News-promoted teabagger rally* on the Capitol steps to protest a House bill that would guarantee decent health care for all Americans.
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*which seems to have drawn upwards of 3,500 wingers in what Crazy Michelle called "the Super Bowl" of freedom; more like the Tidy Bowl of Cluelessness. . . [mff snicker mff snicker]. . . oh what the hell, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AARP To Endorse House Health Reform Bill

Mega-seniors organization (40 million strong) AARP is going to endorse the House Democrats' health reform bill as early as tomorrow. This should give the bill a critical boost, and cover for weak-kneed Dems, as the bill moves toward a floor vote in the next few days.

Narcissism, Limpballs, and Ass Cracks

MoDo's column in today's New York Times thoroughly reams Pills Limpballs for his narcissism and grand ego, and is worth a read. Years ago, she was actually able to get through a dinner with the porcine Pills, who comes across as a massive ball of pig manure.

He also seems obsessed with "anal poisoning," as Media Matters points out. Perhaps this is a psychological/proctological reflection of his Vietnam War-era draft dodging, when Pills escaped the draft by having a cyst in his ass crack. How it got there is subject to speculation, but anal poisoning can't be ruled out.

(photo: Limpballs performs a self-examination for anal poisoning)

Post Election Punditry 101

Winners:
candidates who didn't distance themselves from Obama (Cong.-elect Owens, NY-23);
Rethugs who didn't invite Sarah Palin to campaign for them (McDonnell, Christie);
Rethugs who ran ads incorporating Obama and his hope message (Christie);
Rethugs who didn't display their party label and ran to the "middle" (McDonnell and Christie).

Losers:
candidates who distanced themselves from Obama and his programs (Deeds);
Rethugs who backed far-right Doug "Crazy Eyes" Hoffman in NY-23 (Palin, Pawlenty, the Tea Baggers, etc.);
candidates with Goldman Sachs/ Wall Street bloodlines (Corzine);
oh, and Doughy Pantload's bro'.

Done, Baby, Done

Wingnuts were absolutely sure that they had the NY 23 district race in the bag with their Conservative Party standard-bearer Doug "Crazy Eyes" Hoffman. But the voters had a different message for the know-nothing candidate, who didn't even live in the district: we're not ready for your type of crazy. Dem Bill Owens was elected. Rethug wingnuts from Winky You Betcha to Gov. Tim "Bad N'" Pawlenty lined up behind Crazy Eyes because the Rethuglican candidate was too moderate for them. Using her policy platform -- Facebook -- Winky fired out her pre-election message: "Doug, Baby, Doug." Missed it by two letters. . .

Message to the wingers: please, please keep following this "straterg-y" in all future elections, so that you drive more and more Independents and moderates away from your far right Party, and so that more Dems are elected. Please!

(photo: Crazy Eyes was rejected for a role in "Men Who Stare At Goats.")

Election Erections

Expect the mainstream media to make mountains out of today's off-cycle election molehills. What they won't get into -- because they need to stay superficial -- is that both McDonnell in Virginia and Christie in New Jersey ran campaigns that were generally moderate Rethuglican pap; neither wanted snowbilly queen Winky You Betcha campaigning for them, and Christie ran ads that had images of President Obama in a favorable light.

That won't stop the MSM nitwits from ginning up phony excitement if Rethugs win in Virginia and New York's 23rd district (where they've held office virtually since the Civil War -- the Union vs. the Confederates, not the Rethugs vs. themselves). The theme? Obama needs to trim his sails because "real America" is wary of his progressive agenda. Thus creating yet another phony MSM "issue": after 10 months in office, is President Obama finished? Either way, Rethugs win, Dems lose.

Odd how we didn't see the same nonsense after Dumbya's first 10 months (9-11, 9-11, 9-11!!!)

The Party Girl's Warning

For a glimpse into what motivates Beltway media villagers, Digby picks up on a quote from Village dowager Sally "Party Girl" Quinn in the London Times on Line about First Lady Michelle Obama:

"I'm not sure if I had been her advisor I would have said for her to do the Glamour cover because it might begin to trivialize her and what her role is."

For those who might think this is a sympathetic shout out to Ms. Obama, think again. Party Girl is firing a warning shot at the Obamas that they need to bring her into their circle. After all, when First Lady Hillary Clinton turned down an invitation from Party Girl to a Villager elite luncheon in 1993, Party Girl -- with her column in the Kaplan Daily -- was furious and made sure she slimed the Clintons for the remainder of his term in office. Fair warning is fair warning!

Party Girl is part of the club of "journalist" elites that truly believe that they run the Nation's capital, and shall not be ignored. After all, Party Girl got her position the hard way -- she slept with her married boss, former Kaplan Daily editor Ben Bradlee, whom she later married. Success, villager style.

(photo: Party Girl after partying)

Fisticuffs at the Kaplan Daily!

Stop the presses! Hold that punch! Kaplan Daily's Style feature editor Henry "The Geritol Kid" Allen was involved in a beat-down of one of his writers, Manuel "The Kid" Roig-Franzia, the other day. Seems the 70-ish Allen was upset with a "charticle" Roig-Franzia and his co-writer Monica "I'm No Herman" Hesse had presented him on famous leaks. Managing editor Marcus "Broccoli" Brauchli had to break up the combatants himself.

Hey! Maybe instead of the Kaplan Daily selling access via Katherine Weymouth's "salons," Broccoli could sell tickets to "The Newsroom Fights!"

(Image: A normal day at the Kaplan Daily.)

Limpballs Gives Fux His Seal of Approval

Think Progress picked up on a revealing moment in yesterday's kiss-fest on the Fux News Sunday show between Pills Limpballs and that beady-eyed little creep Chris (W)all-ass. Asking only softball questions during his hour of worship of the Drugster, (W)all-ass didn't object (gasp!)when Pills lumped Fux in with other "conservative" media like hate radio. We're shocked, SHOCKED!! that (W)all-ass didn't respond thusly: "No, no sir. While we have the utmost respect for you and your fine listeners, we are [snicker] fair and [snicker] balanced! Oh, the hell with it. . . haw haw haw."

Someone alert ABC's Jake "Tippy" Tapper and stand by with a fainting couch and smelling salts.

NY-23 Fallout

Steve Benen has a good summary of the potential fallout from moderate Republican Dede Scozzafava's withdrawal from the special election in NY-23, leaving the field to tea bag/ wingnut candidate Doug "Crazy Eyes" Hoffman. Embedded within Benen's piece is a pithy quote from Frank Rich. May the Rethug tent continue to shrink itself!

UPDATE: Scozzafava has now endorsed Democrat Bill Owens for the seat over wingnutty Hoffman, as has the district's largest newspaper, the Watertown Daily Times, which originally backed Scozzafava.

(Photo: Doug "Crazy Eyes" Hoffman, pure-bred wingnut.)

The Acorn the Ombudsman Never Finds

The Kaplan Daily's "Ombudsman" Andrew "O" Alexander's column today is all about reporters' conflicts of interest. One is Juliet Eilperin, who covers climate change and is married to a "liberal activist" at the Center for American Progress. Verdict from the O?

"It's a close call, but I think she should stay on the beat. With her work now getting special scrutiny, it will become clear if the conflict is real." (my emphasis)

The other reporter? None other than Howie "Get That Job?" Kurtz. Is Kurtz's marital connection to Rethug consultant and commentator Sheri Annis even mentioned? Uh, no. Is Howie getting "special scrutiny" from his Kaplan editors? Uh, no. Is Howie getting a free pass, and is this another example of Kaplan's separate rules for progressives and right-wingers? Uh, yes and yes.

(Image: Don't adjust your screens - Howie the acorn exists in a separate, alternate universe.)

Quote of the Day - Sports Edition

"...Though Purdue began the season 1-5, it can become bowl eligible with three more wins. Unlikely as that may sound, consider that of their remaining opponents -- Wisconsin, Michigan, Michigan State and Indiana -- only the Spartans have a winning conference record. 'They can do the math,' [Purdue Coach Danny] Hope said of his players. 'They can read.'" - from today's clueless Kaplan Daily. Yeah, they can do math and read, but they can't score. Wisconsin 37, Purdon't 0.

(Image: Old Style Wisconsin)